Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize