OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
