believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
