she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
