"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
