Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
