One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
