If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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