Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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