problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
