he told me I talked like a deaf person
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
