I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
