I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
