my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
