So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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