Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
