I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
