why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Couch. On fire.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
