And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
