there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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