She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
