How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Randomize
