the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
