he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize