I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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