I didn't shave. On purpose
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
