mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
