Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
