I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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