I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
