Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
pray to the hookup gods
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
