i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
