im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
