You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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