im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
