Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
