I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
