dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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