Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
