It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
