Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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