Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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