Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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