Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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