That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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