ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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