i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
