Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
