how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
