carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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