I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
