frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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