Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
