You're my little dorito
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
