Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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