you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
