If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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