If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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