True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
