paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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