You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
