his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
