Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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