Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
