I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
