he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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