If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
