guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
