Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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