My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize