How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
