im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
